GUIDING THOUGHTS EP.2 : CREATIVITY KILLS FEAR

All the times in my life when I put myself out there, I was able to do it because there was a creative vision, all fears be damned.

Good to focus on the visions becoming real. Not so helpful to ruminate on the fears.

I wonder if I am the “doer” or the “watcher”. Is there one maybe I’m supposed to be more of?

I know that observing just festers and ferments me like a sweet baby dill if there is no place for the opinions to go. There must be a project.

I have so many opinions that I often land on having no opinion. I am very good at judging. Very good. And I judge myself intensely, and often land on having no opinion on the next step.

Watch. Watch. Watch. More and more of a pickle everyday.

I do care what people think. And I don’t. There are times for both. If much of my fear is what people think, then I better do something quick. Anything.

Sometimes I don’t have to go far for the practice. In fact, I can just ride the bus. Look at us all watching each other in the peripherals. The eyeballs on the bus go round and round.

If the days start feeling the same then it’s a sign something has gone wrong. Not horribly wrong, because routines are things of beauty I think. But my unintended ways of coping with fear are showing up in my cracker eating habits and avoidance of much needed strange encounters.

Better to use an intentional coping mechanism than an unintentional one.

I will kill fear with creativity.

In the moment I reach for the 400th cracker, all I can do is become aware of my coping and find a wave to ride back to the heart of things. Ideas in motion become the executioner of other forms of coping, which has been some welcome and excellent news.